The Universe and Her Messages

It's been a bit busy as usual for the past week. Still playing catchup with homework but it's coming together. I lucked out with class being cancelled due to the teacher being sick. I picked the right day to take a "mental health day". Ha ha. I stayed in my 72 degree climate controlled space all day and enjoyed it tremenously!

The big news for the last two days was the drama I call my family. So my sister basically totalled my mothers car early Monday morning. The story I've been told is that she took the car late Sunday night to go to a party, parked it, and then sometime later a police chase forced criminals to crash into my mother's car and two others on the block. Talk about more bad luck for Madame Deborah. The more enabling my parents do...the worse it gets. A $20,000 car,fully paid,that the insurance company will value at less than 5K. What a shame. I think the real tragedy was listening to my mother actually say that she will pay for cabs or take the bus if Madame Deborah doesn't come up with some money to replace the car. If?!? WTF! My response was what's with the "if". She lives rent free, her entire $60K income is disposable, and now she also gets to destroy your car? Foolishness. I don't want to hear about it anymore. I told her that they will just have to work it out. I've worked my so called sister out of the picture and that's where she'll stay for me...completely out of the picture. I'm ashamed that we are related by blood.

I've been feeling really good the last few weeks...especially after breaking up with the last boyfriend. I read a really good article titled "The Truth About Childless Women" and it made me feel really good about where I am right now in my life. Basically the writer was validating what I already know...there is nothing wrong with we women who are still childless and over the age of 35. It's not that we don't want kids and don't want to be married. It's about waiting for the right match to come along and if he (or she for ladies that float that way) doesn't come along then life goes on...happily. I use to call myself "dating challenged" but I liked her phrasing better...."circumstantially infertile". Like the writer, I too would love to have children and have a great love in my life. However, with that said, I should not be made to feel like I have to attach myself to just anyone simply because I'm over 35. I am not "less than" because I'm still single. The current circumstances have forced me to remain alone. So far I've encountered many self absorbed guys who don't want me. I do know the right guy is out there for me. And just in case he doesn't come around until i'm like 70...I'm still have a great life and will continue to do so. Had some crazy encounters with people from the past and i'm glad I did. Out of all of the failures I was able to really realize that even if they can't see it...I have high value.

I also have this innate feeling that I'm going to be meeting new and interesting people going forward and that my life will change dramatically in an even better way soon. Can't really explain why I have that feeling...just do. I better go...it's late (as usual). More later.

Life and Death

Really tired tonight and just want to curl up in bed so i'm going to do that in a few minutes. Really good class. Have midterm to work on tomorrow. Another busy week. Felt like I was surrounded by death today. My aunt in Florida passed away this morning. She had been sick for several years but it's still sad to hear of her passing. Another aunt died last week suddenly of what appears to be a hear attack. Ironically she took my aunt who died this morning to the hospital and died the next morning in her sleep. I always think about death and how I would be remembered. So many thoughts about if I am memorable in life. I think I am but who really knows. I better go. My eyes are closing and I have yet to take my shower. I'll elaborate more tomorrow when I have a bit more time.

Happy 4th of July!

Usual quiet day at home on a holiday. I'm actually starting to enjoy these quiet days. I felt productive even though I didn't step foot outside. I wrote out my normal monthly budget, shredded unnecessary paper, bundled my paper recycling for this week, hung up the bookholders I bought late last week, vaccumed, and made dinner. I even booked a treat for myself. I made the executive decision to get a facial next week. Guess you could say it's my version of a staycation. Ha ha. I'm still thinking about where to go for the end of the year. I've been doing really well on the saving front but don't want to spend a fortune just because it's around Christmas. I don't mind spending my bday in NY but I really want to ring in the New Year someplace else. I'm thinking something involving a beach would be great. Maybe the DR or British VI? Will continue to research.

I've also been thinking even more that I will participate in the summer practicum in Poland next spring. I think it would be a wonderful experience for me and would give me a chance to explore even further my idea about living overseas for a year or two. Spain is calling. I was talking to Rosa the other day about my nomad type of life. We met up for iced coffee and sat at the Brooklyn promenade. I never really realized how "nomad" my life really is. I also am starting to fully realize that I do have a full, enriching life. I know my life is defined by the people and experiences I encounter and will never be measured by how much I have in my bank account (although inside I strongly feel that there will be great financial wealth in a good way in my near future). As for Spain, nothing really is tying me here to NY other than the fact that I was born here. I think the stars are lining up favorably for me. Only time will tell.

OK, I better go...it's getting late and I have really been liking this show called "Single Ladies" on VH1. More tomorrow after class.

Cruzin' for Christmas

So for two days in a row, I have been asked by some guy if I'm married. What's with the marriage question? I actually don't mind being asked that question. It's the follow up question that tends to tick me off....that question being, "why aren't you married?" Are you kidding me?!? Am I supposed to answer that question? My response is usually either "nobody wants or needs me" or "I'm just not special enough to most of the guys I met so far". I don't say it to be dramatic, it's just my way of shutting the conversation down. I truly do believe I will be married to a wonderful man who will respect, love, and protect me as I him. In the meantime, I keep moving forward.

For the last two weeks I've really been thinking about many things but in particular...Christmas is on my mind. I am really starting to enjoy going away for the holidays since staying in NY is totally boring to me since many are not around. The real challenge is figuring out where to go. I think if I do cruise I want to also be gone for New Years Eve/Day. I was telling my classmate about my plans and I said that for my 40th birthday I'll think of something really big to do. She said why wait for 40. She has a point! Just before the travel plan conversation we were talking about feeling tired and she said I'm young, why am I tired. I asked her how old does she think I am. I totally LOVE her response...she said 27 with a serious face. That compliment really made me feel good. That's like the third time in recent months that people thought I was in my 20s. Way cool. I do like the age I am now but what woman wouldn't take a younger looking age compliment. LOL. Since most of my major holidays, birthdays, and generally every day is spent alone for the most part, why not do something big for this birthday, etc.? I'm going to make a decision by the end of July and just book whatever it is. How fun.

Class was really good tonight although the information is really complicated. I have so much review/reading to do but I like the subject matter. Interesting learning how to explain something at its root and then teach it. For me, there's something really exciting and refreshing about learning new ideas and concepts. I wish I had unlimited funds to learn everything I want to learn. Hopefully I'll have a long and healthy life to be able to continue learning.

Well..I've been talking about Christmas but first one must get through the next holiday...4th of July. Of course nobody is having nothing. Ha ha. Oh well. I feel good so even if I'm home reading or sitting in the park I'll be fine. I've been feeling really powerful for a couple of weeks now. No real explanation other than I feel good in my skin and feel good about me. Maybe it's age and extra wisdom that have a calming effect for me. Who really knows. I'm just going to roll with it. My goal by next year this time is to move to Spain and start the next chapter of my life. OK. I'm rambling now...plenty of thoughts...limited time. LOL. More tomorrow. Goodnight Ang.

Rock the Warehouse

It's been forever since I last posted. So much has happened. Tonight is a quick post. It's late as always when I get the opportunity to post. Just got home not too long ago from The Food Bank NYC's "Rock the Warehouse". It's a volunteer appreciation event where we literally get to visit the warehouse where all the food ships out. Very cool. My friend Lori who also volunteers came also. I really had a great time and I even had the opportunity to rock like a lady after seeing the boy who broke my heart at the very same event! Small universe. They say that good and bad events travel in threes. He would be the third person from the past, who treated me badly, literally reached out to me in some way, shape, or form over the last three weeks. Why? Don't know. It's silly really. It's like being in some weird movie where I already know how the story is going to go before the other characters and I have to still act out the "assumed plot line" for their benefit. In this case the movie scene called for me being at the same event with the guy who broke my heart, stomped all over it, and then act like nothing happened. The funny thing is I felt good and went about my night not worrying about the situation. In the movies there is always drama. None to be had from me. I didn't just act the part of a lady. I am a lady...a good one with a kind heart. Funny thing was that every time I turned around...there he was...and his girlfriend. Yet he kept trying to do the small talk thing with me. Why would he want to know if I'm married? I'm sure after tonight he'll forget about me just as easily as he did two years ago. If we didn't run into each other at this event, he would not have thought about me for the next 60 years. He's already forgotten about me. LOL. God really does have a sense of humor...but I love God's humor. I've spent too many lines talking about him. He's not worth talking about (and neither are the other two people...girls by the way). Water under the bridge right? I hope they all continue to live their fabulous lives with great friendships within them.

Lor and I took this really cool picture together at the sweetbooths.com lounge. I'm going to put it up on my Happiness is Priceless wall of photos at work. I better get going. Busy day tomorrow

Memorial Day 2011

Another boring holiday with nothing to do and no place to go. I still don't understand why those with great jobs, even greater homes and families, don't bother to have collective gatherings just once a year...just because. I guess you could say I'm somewhat in a not so great mood. Not in a bad mood but a bit disappointed. Rough week. Had to break up...AGAIN...with Kevin. It was bad enough that he underappreciated me four years ago. What makes this breakup worse is that after I completely moved on from him, he was the one who kept coming back asking for a second chance. He got one and decided to blow it yet again! I really don't know what else to say except that in his case, I'm disposable. Maybe I was just some type of competition for him. Maybe that was his goal all along...to see if he could get me to care again so that he could just be lazy and passive aggressive and then blame me for us not working again.

What can you do except keep moving forward right? Still sucks. I hope this isn't another summer of no special guy to spend time with. I love me...but I don't believe that I'm supposed to be alone anymore. I need Mr. Perfect for me to make himself known now. In the meantime, I'll continue to look for the better apartment and right path for me financially. Just feel a bit sad today. Tomorrow will be better right?

My Laugh out Loud Moment

So of course just a few hours ago I posted about being totally bored out of my mind. In response, God gave me a laugh out loud moment about a half hour ago. Now that my ex, his illegal wife/girlfriend, their three year old child, and the my next door neighbor are all best friends forever, they seem to want to party on the third floor every weekend. What makes me laugh is that the witch next door thinks she's part of the family. As such she thinks she can be just as rude to me as they are. Some days I feel like telling her that the same hero she sees in the Super is the same guy I broke up with because he has to have his mother think for him. At first I found myself angry that they now are bringing foolishness up to the third floor. But then I found myself laughing because it reminds me how lucky I was, even at 30, to not get tangled up with stupid people. Seeing the supers family makes me really happy that no matter how messed up my family may be, they are messed up even more. LOL. How ironic.

For the most part, I've been a lady and have kept my distance from all the false talking they've been doing about me. However, with that said, I am sure one day I will expose the Supers little secret that he didn't tell them all. I hope I will get to move into my own, better space soon. In the meantime, I'll keep laughing and thanking God that I stand out from the crowd in a good way.

The High School Experience

I went iceskating with Susan the other day and had a fantastic time while also being terrified of falling and breaking something! I had only been iceskating once before many moons ago so standing on ice on thin blades brought out excitement yet fear of getting hurt with no medical insurance. I went for it anyway! Susan is a really good skater and gave me some tips for being on the ice. I was at least able to maintain my balance which was a good start. I held on to the wall the first ten minutes or so but shortly afterwards, one of the skate guards ( I soon found out his name is Jesse) came by and encouraged me to not hold on to the wall. Slowly…and I do mean slowly, I was able to give up that crutch and ease my way towards the center on the rink. The skate guard kept popping up every so often to see how we were doing. Susan and I were trying to figure out if he was hitting on us or just being overly diligent with his job. As we continued to skate, talk, and have fun, Jesse skated by again to comment on our progress.
About five minutes after he skated away, another guy approached me and said he had a message for me. I was like “are you sure you have the right person?” and he said yes. He said one of the skate guards likes you and is asking for your phone number. LOL. I felt like I was having a high school experience. While I never had anyone like me in high school, I certainly felt like this was once of those moments you watch on all those high school shows where the guy is afraid to talk directly to the girl so he sends a representative with a message. Too cute! I sent back a message that I don’t give out my number however if he gives me his number I will call him. With that a few minutes later there was Jesse giving me his number. I did ask him some basic questions. He failed the one about kids…he has too many for such a young age. He’s 33 and has five kids. You know that means multiple baby mamas. What’s with these guys not practicing safe sex?!? I’m curious though about his story so I’ll call him on Sunday. Nothing to lose since he doesn’t have my number and my number doesn’t come up on caller ID. I’m going to put it out to the universe that I have more high school experiences and that soon out of that the right man will come through with the right message! In the meantime, I skate on knowing that the ice is not as thin as I thought and that I haven’t fallen on it yet. But if I do, I know I’ll be able to get up unharmed and keep moving forward.

Saturdays with Suze

I’m so bored right now so it must be the weekend. I think I need to go back to The Artist Way approach and have my artist dates with myself be on the weekend since nobody else has time to call or spend with me (except for two people). Despite sheer boredom, I do feel good. Felt really productive especially the last two days. Wednesday I did my laundry which is always a major accomplishment considering I have to lug everything down three flights of stairs and three block to the laundromat. I hate that place. I can’t wait for the day when I live in my own space with all of the amenities that I want and need. Obviously being able to wash and dry my clothes without having to go outdoors is a huge plus! I know I equally hate laundry days just for the mere fact that I my lazy sister has access to everything for doing nothing. Oh well, can’t let that stop me from clean clothes and smelling Downy fresh. Life goes on and I certainly need clothes to wear in this life (well…sometimes…lol).

When I got back I pulled out more clothing from my closet for donation. I was watching Enough Already with Peter Walsh last week and he said there are two types of logic when it comes to the stuff. I fit the category of holding on to items “just in case I might need it”. While I’m not a hoarder by any means since I don’t have excess anything, I am guilty of hanging on to clothing. My logic was I need to hold on to this stuff because from a financial perspective it would be difficult to replace an item if necessary. The negative side to that logic is that clothes remain on the hanger, on the shelves, overflowing from a small space…unused and not necessary. If I’m not wearing it because it’s no longer my style or too big for my reduced waistline, that also means somebody else who really needs it isn’t wearing it either. Between Wed and Thurs I found some great items for Dress for Success, a program that helps women with their interview skills, confidence, and business attire for their interviews. Yesterday I hauled a huge bag of work attire, shoes, and pocketbooks to the DFS Office. The donation was greatly appreciated by the organization. I felt really good knowing that I am helping some other women in some small way. I felt really good on my train ride home. I even stopped by the supermarket and picked up some stuff. I love the market, hate carrying all that heavy stuff back but I did it! Took a great shower after I put everything away. I still have items for Goodwill. I will take them there next week. I already feel lighter now that some of the unnecessary stuff is gone. It’s amazing considering it wasn’t much at all. Tomorrow I will pack up books and check in to see if I can donate them someplace also. I hate throwing books in the garbage but if I must they will go into the recycling pile. If I was really tapping into my business side I would open up an Ebay account and sell some of this stuff. However, for me, I feel better donating these things. It just feels right to donate than to sell. In freely letting go, I find I’m more empowered to handle whatever comes my way each day.
I should be out someplace. It’s nice and cold out and I’ve been in heaven with all of the snowfall. I’m going to scout around now for what I will do for my date with myself next weekend. For tonight, it’s my usual date with Suze Orman. Hey…at least she’s pretty reliable and is always on time. LOL. Now if I could only get someone to cook dinner for me then it would be the ultimate date. Ha ha.